What a Relief!!

God is just so GREAT! I am so relieved right now I can't stand myself. It has been a trying week as I have been battling my patience and my reliance on the Lord.

To backup a bit, mom and I went to see my brain and spine doctor on Monday. I decided that the symptoms of the cancer in my brain were decreasing my quality of life to the point that I was ready to go back and seek more treatment. I can't hear unless people speak slowly - giving my brain time to process the sounds. Talking on the telephone is nearly impossible now, as is hearing the television. Connor and Faron are adjusting to looking at me and slowing their speech, but it sure is frustrating.

My balance is such that I really shouldn't take a step without the walker. I took a bad fall a week ago and still have to take pain meds for my back. My arm looks like someone beat me up (I guess I did!)

The doctor said although he did not know if radiation would make my symptoms better, he was fairly sure the radiation would slow the progression. At least that's something. My insurance would not authorize the spine test he wanted, but he said we should not wait for that test and go forward with the brain radiation - we can do the spine radiation if needed once he fights the insurance company for the test.

In summary, the feeling I got was that brain radiation should be started ASAP and then we'll go from there. When he left my room MOnday afternoon, he told me to wait in the room until they scheduled with the radiation folks and he would see me in a month. Radiation on the brain only takes 10 days (as opposed to the breast which took 6 weeks).

Of course, that was not to be! His nurse came in and explained that since it had been more than 3 years since I had seen the radiation folks, I had to be scheduled as a new consult. ???? I have only been going to that place for 9 years. There is nothing new about me and MD! Apparently the schedulers could not schedule an appointment on the computer - they have to call the radiation department and talk to someone and the appointment blocks out more time. The problem with initial consults from a patient's point of view is that they take forever to get scheduled. In my experience, the minimum time it has taken for an initial consult with a new doctor is three weeks. The nurse sent me home and said to call back the next day. If I could tell you how many times I have heard that....the anxiety started to kick in, but this time I immediately started praying.

Tuesday - no word.

Do you ever have times in your life when you know - you KNOW - that this too shall pass, yet you also know that you are going to be challenged? I knew it. I could feel the doubts pouring in from the enemy. I was feeling that I had waited too long to start treatment and now I was going to have wait even longer. I knew that God was in control, but I still wanted to go down there, camp out at someone's doorway, and not leave until I knew something. I wanted to call and bother someone until I had answers. I could imagine not getting an appointment until a month from now - initial consult and all.

This time I prayed. All Tuesday, all Tuesday night, and Wednesday morning. Wednesday morning I sent a very nice email to the nurse we met on MOnday. She sent a response that she would get back to me by the end of the day.

Wednesday night - no further response.

Woke up at three thirty this morning and prayed. I told God how nervous I was and that I knew it was wrong to doubt Him. I told Him I knew He was in control. I told Him "I believe - help my unbelief!" I told Him "I trust, help me trust more!"

At two o'clock my mother-in-law and I went out to lunch. I just had to get out of the house and get my mind off things. As soon as we sat down, they called. My appointment is Monday (Praise God) and it is with the same radiologist I had 9 years ago (Praise God). I am just so thankful to the Lord. This is totally His doing.

If you are so inclined tonight when you go to sleep, say a little praise prayer for me.

Will let you know more on Monday.

Much love,
Kelli

In the Words of a Friend

My dear friend Nicole was here yesterday - it was her turn to "babysit" me. We ran several errands, ate lunch, she cleaned, and then we talked about God. Nic is one of my sisters-in-Christ that can always be counted on to tell me the Truth. She does not tell me things just to make me feel better - she tells me the Word. She is one of my many blessings.

Anyway, she sent out an email this morning about me and I thought I should put her words in this blog.

From Nicole:
Hi everyone. Thank you for your continued prayers over Kelli.

In her blog awhile back, when she discontinued treatment at MD Anderson, it came through administratively a bit incorrectly.....and her husband and son received bereavement cards! They had a laugh over it and gave the nurses a call to let them know she had just switched to hospice care and was still around. Praise the Lord that she and her guys have a sense of humor.

This week coming week on Wednesday and Thursday, she will switch back into curative care and go back to MD Anderson to have some other testing done on the cancer in her brain and spine to see if they can do some radiation to relieve some of the effects of the cancer. In addition to the the palsy on one side of her face and imbalance, she now has no sense of taste and says that it sounds like there is an air conditioner running in her head, so she has a very difficult time hearing, especially on the phone. She is also having trouble picking out the right words when she is talking, but we spend the entire day talking until she can't talk anymore and I thought she did very well with everything. She will get the results the following Monday. This radiation was not even a consideration 4 months ago to her, so it's a pretty good indication of how the symptoms are that she is willing to do it now. Let's pray for the Lord's will and for His abundant grace and mercy upon her.

Praise for the day we spent together yesterday. Other than some nuts and bolts of life that we took care of, we spent most of the time talking about the Lord and His Word. She is listening to our Revelation study at home on the computer, and she has been so thankful for the way Mike teaches. I linked her up with Inductive Bible Study method online to "learn to fish" and teach her guys as well when they study God's Word together in the evenings as a family. So, praise the Lord for the internet and that our studies are available and for the manner in which we are fed--carefully, with Godly fear and reverence, allowing the Bible interpret itself and by the Holy Spirit. As her friend, it is a beautiful thing to watch the Lord comfort her with His Word all these years, but especially now. If it were not for the Lord, I would want to walk around with a sign that said, "I hate cancer", but like we learn as we work through things that Paul and Peter and James wrote, the Lord is what makes the worst possible situation not only bearable, but a cause to praise His name and rejoice in Him because He is right there providing whatever is needed moment by moment in abundance. You stop thinking about cancer and start thinking about Him! She has complete peace knowing that her sins were paid for on the cross which destines her to be with the Lord always and that this tent we live in is temporary and supposed to be in a state of decay. If you are reading this and do not know Jesus as your Savior, He loves you, wants to have a relationship with you that starts with you believing that He paid the full penalty for your sins on the cross. When you do that, you are forgiven, filled and sealed with the Holy Spirit, and you belong to Him and are assured of your salvation. You learn to walk with Him and live a life that is no longer controlled by sin but instead by the Holy Spirit by reading His Word to know His thoughts and plans and to hear His voice and praying to Him, sharing your thoughts and giving your life to Him. If you have never done this, if you have trusted in anything other than Jesus to save you and get you to Heaven, including your own works--the Bible is clear in Ephesians 2:8-10 that salvation is by faith alone through God's grace alone not by works that no man can boast---there is but one way to Heaven, one way to peace today and forever, and it's Jesus Christ.

Hope all of you are well and have your eyes and mind set on Jesus!

Amen to Nicole's words.

Love to you all - Kelli

How God Must Laugh at Me!!

In one of my last posts, I think I mentioned that I was going to try taking a steroid to alleviate some of the symptoms I am having - dizziness, loss of hearing, and nerve pain around my bottom and down my legs. The idea is that the growing tumors may be causing inflammation that can be decreased by the steroids.

I tried them for 2 days and then went off of them to see if the symptoms came back - and they did.

So I am back on the steroids for who knows how long (the rest of my life?).

KB (my nurse) and I had a long discussion about the side-effects of long-term steroid use. Here is the sad part: if I am honest with myself, the side-effect that bothers me the most is that MY FACE WILL GET PUFFY!!

I have bruises all over my body, am 100 lbs over-weight, the entire left side of my face does not work, my hair is coming back in gray and patchy and I am STILL CONCERNED ABOUT HOW I AM GOING TO LOOK! Seriously.

Much love! Kelli

What I've Been Up To These Days

Honestly - not much! These last two weeks have been kind of tough. I've had very little energy and the ringing in my ears is extremely frustrating. I am going to try a steroid for two days to see if it helps with the ear ringing and the pain I've been feeling in my lower back and down my legs. Our best guess right now is that the tumors might be causing some swelling that the steroid may help alleviate. I'll keep you posted.

One of my new hobbies has been studying the Bible - line for line. A friend of mine goes to Calvary Church West Houston and at Calvary Churches the entire sermon is Bible study line by line, but you flip around quite a bit because they reference all over the place. Their sermons are podcast and I heard they were also on You Tube. I am going through the revelation series (on book 14) and it is very interesting. The preacher's belief is that the Bible will interpret the Bible and when he gets to the parts in which I get lost, he refers us back to the old testament references so we can understand. I guess I really like his style.

That same friend lent me a book called "The Seven Festivals of the Messiah" which explains how God uses the Jewish festivals to teach us about the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, the empowering of believers by the Holy Spirit, the resurrection of the dead, the coronation of the Messiah, the wedding of the Messiah, the tribulation, the second coming of the Messiah, and much more. It has definitely been interesting.

By the way, and I am no Bible scholar but this is kind of interesting, Matthew 24:34 says "Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till these things be fulfilled." In Psalm 90:10 the psalmist says a generation is 70 years (or 80 years if in good shape). If the "Jewish clock" stopped when Jesus was crucified and restarted again when Israel became a nation in 1948, we are in year 63 of the 70 years. Take off 7 years for the tribulation and I figure if I don't live very long, it's OK because Connor and Faron will be right behind me in the Rapture! DON"T BURST MY BUBBLE!!

I have also started working on Connor's website again, which means I have been studying how to create websites, blogs, etc. Connor has been taking senior pictures, family gatherings, baby showers, and pictures of his friends pursuing their hobbies, and I need to get with it and get a facebook page and link it to the website somehow.

At the end of April I plan to go to the Tenth Woman Rally in Azle. Will see my old friend Liz and hopefully Terri, too. I'll stay with Dad and then we plan to bring Mama Sue back here with us for a week. Of course, everything depends on how I am feeling, but I am looking forward to it and lifting it in prayer.

Thelma and Kristi are on babysitting duty tomorrow and maybe Tuesday, then mom should be up to take her turn. I have three friends that rotate in as well. They all shop, clean, cook, do laundry and take care of the garden. I've pretty much become a cheerleader around here and give praises to God that I am so blessed.

Much love to all! Kelli